More on Drifting

Thanks to everyone who has talked to me or commented on my previous post. Apparently it came off a little heavier than I intended. The point of the post was not to say that I am depressed about my life as a whole, it was more a comment about my inability to discern Gods “calling” for my life and the perpetual restlessness that comes with that unresolved issue. I am not naive enough to think that being in the center of God’s will means that every day is filled with euphoric joy and purpose, and I am definitely not an adrenaline-junkie looking for a daily high. I am just looking to identify some of the groanings and yearnings of my heart.

For now, I know that I am supposed to be in Columbia SC helping to lead Midtown and I have a certain degree of peace and confidence in that. I count it an incredible privilege to be a small part of what God is doing here, and each day is a new adventure. However, I do not feel that I am really “in my stride” or “hitting on all cylinders.” (Forgive the cliches, but I dont know how else to put it) For many people, there comes a time (or times) in their life when something resonates with them so deeply that they cannot ignore it. It may be to move halfway around the world to share Jesus with people, teach elementary children, help people with their personal finances, write music, or be a good doctor. It may come all at once like a flood, or it may build over years of slow and steady rain. But in the end, they know that they must pursue it no matter what the cost. If that person is walking with God then they can be assured that the “call” is in harmony with him and his will and is most likely a function of what he specifically created them to be. I have simply not come to that place yet. There are lots of things that resonate with me, but none stands out above the rest.

So to go back to my previous analogy….instead of finding my stroke and really being able to swim for all I am worth, with all the passion and energy I can muster, trusting in him to keep me from drowning, I tread water. And occasionally try one stroke or another to see if it fits me. But they never do. So I keep waiting.

Drifting

I am not happy with my life.

There, I said it. As I told a couple of my good friends over dinner a few days ago, I feel like I am treading water while everyone else around me is finding their stroke and actually swimming. Instead of being able to swim towards something that hopefully God is calling me to I am just carried wherever the current happens to lead.

The problem with all of this is that treading water never actually accomplishes anything. Ok, so you avoid drowning. So what. That’s not my definition of living. I want to find my stroke, get better, stronger, and faster. I want to move through the water, towards some goal or destination. Maybe even swim against the current from time to time.

But I can’t. Because I can’t figure out what my stroke is. Whenever I really get bored treading water I find something off in the distance to focus my attention on and swim towards it for a while; a new job, some shiny new toy, a new hobby, a new destination, a girl. But it never seems to be really God-inspired. After a while my interest wanes and I realize the stroke I am swimming is something I have just copied from someone else. So I stop swimming and start treading water again.

Is treading water actually my “stroke?” Am I the Guinness World Record water-treading-guy or something? Or am I still in training, conditioning for some future race? I am actually ok with either of these. The problem is I don’t feel any sort of “calling” that confirms either one. I don’t have any peace about where I am. I have all kinds of thoughts and dreams swirling around in my head and heart that never seem to get resolved. I live in a constant state of discontent. As a follower of Jesus I know I am supposed to find my contentment in him, but I honestly don’t know how. Talking to him about it, reading the Bible, serving others; I always seem to end up right back where I started.

So I tread on. Wherever the current takes me.

Spiritual Leadership

Over the past few months our leadership team at church has been discussing the idea of spiritual leadership. In that discussion, an idea that we have landed on is our desire to be “spiritual leaders” and not just “organizational leaders.” Whether you have thought about it before or not, you probably know the difference. You know when you are around someone in church leadership or other ministry sometimes you walk away impressed by their giftedness or maybe what they have accomplished. But then there are those other leaders; the ones who when you have been around them you feel like you have been with someone who is in close fellowship with God. You are somehow encouraged and challenged just by their presence. That is what we have termed “spiritual leadership.” And that is the type of men and women that we want to be.

So what are the things that make someone a spiritual leader? How do we grow in these things? This is by no means an exhaustive list, but here are a few of the things we have come up with:

- Authenticity: Being comfortable with who we are, being the same people in public and private, being the same with all people.
- Kingdom – minded: More concerned with growing Gods kingdom than our own. Rejoicing in other churches and ministries’ victories rather than being jealous. Being generous with what he has given us.
- Uncommon care for people: Considering others more than ourselves. Going out of our way to let people know that they matter to God, and in turn, us. Going the extra mile to care for those who are outcasts or socially awkward. Giving each person we interact with undivided attention.
- God is in our conversations: Talking about God and his word as much or more than we talk about ministry or other things. Not flaunting or trying to impress with Biblical knowledge, but still continually speaking truth and wisdom from the Bible. Living out the character of this verse: Colossians 3:16 – Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom

And most importantly….

- Being in close fellowship with God: Knowing him, talking to him, listening to him daily. How can we possibly tell others about God, help those in need, or lead other believers if we do not truly know the one of whom we speak? Our greatest efforts will only succeed in building earthly kingdoms if they are not empowered by the Spirit of the living God. But when they are….. the results are beyond the reaches of our imagination. Jesus tells us that with faith in Him, we will do even greater things than the ones that were seen during his time on earth. (John 14:12)

That….. is true spiritual leadership.

Phase 1: Completed!

After several months of work (and lots of months of being lazy) Phase 1 of my own little Extreme Home Makeover is finished! Click the picture below to see the whole gallery. Now a little break before I begin Phase 2: Master Suite!

Heart Sickness

Yesterday I was in a really sour mood for some reason, but honestly Im not even sure why. Things that normally wouldnt bother me at all for some reason just got on my nerves. I even got annoyed when Allen called and asked me to help a homeless man move into a new apartment today. How terrible is that?

So today some guys and I helped Bob and his wife Belinda move their things from a storage unit into their new apartment. They are both disabled, and have been living in a van for the past 6 months. They were so happy, (no kidding, huh) and didnt seem bitter at all about their situation. They were so appreciative of us and thankful to God for how good he is.

The darkness of my heart scares me; how selfish it is, how easily distracted, how weak. I have never lacked for a single thing in my life. Food, shelter, clothing, family, friends, health, education, posessions, travel, opportunity, and entertainment have all been made available to me. And still my heart lusts for and demands more.

Today I was humbled by a man and his wife who have much less yet are thankful much more. God, please heal my heart. Make it more like yours.

Why I Moved Here (Video Version)

A few weeks ago I wrote about an event that captured the reason why I moved to Columbia 2 1/2 years ago. If you didnt catch it, you can read it here. Some of the guys who do all the videos for our church put the video online, so I thought I would share it with you as well. (It is much better than my words are)

Baptism Service #2

Happy New Year!

“More than anything else, being a college football fan is about learning to lose.”

I doubt that I got the quote exactly right, but that is a thought from the book Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer by Warren St. John. And how true it is. Good book – a must read for any true college football fan! (yes, you)

Putting the 3rd coat of poly on my floors today. I am sure I have already lost lots of brain cells from the fumes the past few days. I need to finish soon, cause I dont have many to spare….