The Cure For Loneliness

I mentioned this in a post about loneliness a few days back, but I wanted to elaborate on the actual cure part a little bit…

Everybody loves the TV show friends. It was one of the most popular and long-running shows in the past 20 years of television. But why? Well, of course it was funny. And it had a lot of good looking people on it. But more than that I think it resonated with a subconscious desire in all of us – to have a group of friends like that.

See, in college that kind of thing is fairly common. You are surrounded by people that are at the same place in life as you and you are all going through it together. You play jokes on each other, talk about relationships, take road trips and vacations together, and bail each other out of crazy situations. You have people to celebrate with, to laugh with, to cry with, just to be with.

But all that changes when you graduate into the so-called “real world.” You move to a new place, start a new job, and pretty soon you realize you don’t have those kinds of friends anymore. You might know a few people here and there, but the tv show scenario rarely exists. And for those of us who don’t get married soon after college, eventually loneliness sets in.

But there is a cure: Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, Joey, and Rachel. Ok, so it might be a bit hard to get them all to come over. Salary negotiations could get expensive. And watching the reruns on DVD probably just magnifies the loneliness. But the cure is in reach. It doesn’t take finding 20 new friends. It only takes a few. Maybe even just one. But there are a couple of key ingredients for those friendships; authenticity and availability. Without both of them, loneliness will not go away.

Authenticity is just being able to be yourself. It is Joey wearing maternity pants to allow him to eat more food at Thanksgiving, not worried what anyone will think of him. And in relationships it is a two-way street. You must be able to be yourself with someone and they must feel that freedom with you. I had coffee with a friend today that I rarely see or even talk to, yet we agreed that we feel pretty close because of the level of authenticity that we share.

Availability is just as important. It is Rachel being able to walk across the hall unannounced at any time and having someone there to share a story with. Practically speaking today, the phone, email, or even a text message is usually involved. But the point is that someone is reasonably available.

So if you are dealing with loneliness, begin to cultivate these things. Even if they start with a single friendship. Which brings me to another issue, difficulty meeting and connecting with people. More to come on that later….