Valentine’s Day – A Single Perspective

As a single person, Valentine’s day is second only to the holiday season for making me feel lonely, unhappy, and somehow “less” as a person. This song by one of my favorite groups, Eddie From Ohio expresses it well. You can listen to it here (recommended) or just read the lyrics here. Either way, make sure you listen or read all the way to the end.

Funny song… and pretty much how I feel sometimes. It is often easy to think about and long for the positive things that a relationship provides that we do not have; the companionship, affection, affirmation, or even potential for a family. But for some reason we never seem consider the negatives or challenges that we are also presently free from such as divided time and priorities and relational conflict. Some of the most most intense pain in the entire human experience comes from relational conflict.

Instead of only noticing all the seemingly great couples and relationships around us, we must also consider all of the bad relationships and hurting couples as well. (which are unfortunately maybe the majority) Maybe, just maybe, God is his infinite wisdom is not withholding blessings from us or just making us wait for the heck of it. I know that people like to throw around the phrase “God is preparing you,” but maybe there is another possibility. Maybe he is protecting us from the unimaginable pain and difficulty that wrong relationships bring.

When we are right with God and ourselves and when he brings the right person along, of course all of the positives outweigh the negatives and challenges. But until that point, I would like to suggest that they do not even have the potential to do so. So waiting and trusting God is not only what we are “supposed to do,” it is the best possible thing we can do.

So on Valentines Day, like many other days I am reminded of my singleness and my loneliness. And that is not fun. But at the same time, somehow I am strangely encouraged knowing that God wants to bless me with far more than what my shallow and shortsighted ideas of relationship can even contain.

Addition

Thanks to my friend Tracy, I have an addition to the “things single people want their friends/family to know” post. Check it out – number 6 is the new one.

Loneliness

Of the things I mentioned in the previous post, I think that the biggest issue by far that single people deal with is loneliness. Loneliness by itself is bad enough; the emotional feeling of being alone stinks. Knowing (or thinking) that no one truly cares about you or what is going on in your life is extremely discouraging. But the bigger problem with loneliness is that it affects other things as well. Many other issues either grow out of it or are magnified by it.

Any question, problem, or struggle in life, whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual is magnified when you have to deal with it alone. Even almost insignificant things that happen during our daily lives can be almost overwhelming with no one to help share the load. For example, a relatively minor thing like having a flat tire with someone else in the car or even someone at home to tell about it is not nearly as draining and discouraging as having one by yourself or not even having anyone to share the frustration with later. More significantly however, loneliness can lead to or magnify feelings of depression, self-doubt, low self-esteem, etc.

The only cure for loneliness is authentic, available relationships. Unfortunately these can be hard to come by in today’s fast-paced world. Once you are out of school, there is no concentrated place for social interaction. Meeting people at all can be very difficult, and when you do there is often very little time and energy left to build relationships. So most single people just continue to be lonely, pretend that they are not, and hope that “the one” will come along soon and rescue them. Which brings up another whole topic for another day….

My Short List

In response to my own question from 2 posts ago, here is my short list (with no elaboration) of things that single people deal with that are either unique to or more prevalent during that stage of life. They are in no particular order, and some of them even overlap a little. I plan on digging deeper into a few of them later, so feel free to add to the list…

• Loneliness
• Career/calling
• Difficulty meeting people
• Relating to friends who are now married
• Self esteem/ self image
• Trusting God
• Bitterness
• Addictions/ bad behavior patterns

For The Record

As a “single” person, I get really annoyed by married people sometimes. Especially when they patronize or pity me because I am single, like it is an incurable disease that I have or something. So let me set the record straight:

1. God’s path for each of us is different. (I felt the need to state the obvious because people tend to forget it when it comes to this subject)

2. Married is not better than single. Both have their pluses and minuses. (just ask Paul)

3. Single people do not need your pity. They need your friendship.

4. Single people are not necessarily scared of commitment. In fact, people who get married are apparently not big on it either if you look at the statistics.

5. Marriage is not by definition supposed to come right after college. (unless you live in the south, apparently)

I probably could come up with a few more on this subject, but that’s all for now…..

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Added by others:

6. Just because you are single does not mean you are “too picky” or looking for a “perfect” person, just that you are willing to wait for the right person.